#250 - I prefer a life without philosophy/rant

How I do detest you so - you make me go crazy because I can't make sense of you at all. Only two more hours to bear with you, and yayyy never again will I have to suffer :-) Thus, my newly adopted attitude for Monday:
 
 
Only three crappy days until I am freeeeeeee!

Feel sick of all that endless studying? ENJOY. An hour well spent.   This is

Humanity sucks sometimes. I hate people who talk to me for the sole purpose of using me. Please kindly fuck off. It's a shame there are so many people I know who are exactly like that. Anyway this guy asked me for all my notes, offering to share his notes too. I was like: "alright": it seems pretty fair, right? I put lots of effort into making good notes and spend quite a fair bit of time on it. So I sent my notes. He sends me his "notes"- a mere copy and paste. It's like: dude, how are you going to learn off this 100 page document?  I was pretty disgruntled about his "notes"and didn't even bother using it.

The day before the exam, he freaking texted me every hour or so about the exam and I told him his notes are "unnecessary". Then he has the nerve to ask me if I can send him my final notes. I just invented some bs about how my summarising was going badly, and he thankfully went to sleep and stopped bothering me. Then we do the exam, and we get it back, and he goes: I'm going to complain about my mark. I mean we talked about the same thing and all but you still did better than me. I was like just thinking: You deserved what you got, you didn't spend enough time really understanding the topic and that's why you got  a lower mark, because you didn't incorporate your knowledge. ADDED TO THE FACT YOU DID NOT DO ANY OF THE WORK YOURSELF, SO DON'T FUCKING COMPLAIN WHEN YOU DEFINITELY DESERVED TO GET A POOR MARK. 

On the exterior, I have a cheerful "derpy" façade, but  you don't know me if you really think I'm that, because I am not - I'm like this cynical lump. And so such people think they use me because they think I am truly cheerful and happy to help out. Today he texted me at bloody 1am and asked me if I finished making summaries. I was awake at that time, but decided to not answer. Then I texted him this morning and said Nope. Obviously I've made notes and am still in the process of making notes, but never again am I going to be a naïve fool and help out. Once bitten, twice shy. I learnt my lesson. You don't put in the effort, and expect others to help you freely and expect good results? Wake up. I may sound selfish and mean, but I hate being used like this. If it's friends, it's alright - but to people who only bother holding a conversation with me to get something - no. Help yourself.

#249- warning rant...

havent posted in a while... so i thought i'd rant again. if you frequent this blog then you would have read my rant about the hills bus company; ComfortDelGro Cabcharge.

well lets just say that i am a bad 'chat' with a foul-mouthed driver (okay i didnt rage but i wanted to). saying that i 'cut my journey' - pathetic really. driver, please reevaluate your statements because the last time i checked my bus pass it only stipulated the journey from my house to school. since when did i ever veer off course- how stupid! pfff i think ill stop now and eat (sigh)


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still annoyed about paying the fare = = (im asian ok)

but wed 4th april is approaching and that means SHOPPING (: oh and that means 1 only have to wait 1 more weak for the new revenge ep (:

#248 - Moccona

All hail my daily breakfast staple. Moccona has the sweetest adverts and music! =D

 

Sometimes all you share with someone you treasure(d) are memories. There's now a time where it's actually quite difficult to find a good topic to discuss, and mostly, only boring, incredibly dull, trivial matters are discussed. There's no longer any confiding, and if prodded, there's hesitation and divergence from the answers you seek and then you realise what's going through their minds: don't ask me, I don't want to tell you. What can you say if they don't even want to tell you? Then there's a heavy weight in your stomach and you start to feel insecure: are you insignificant, unworthy, of knowing? What's wrong, how did this happen, what are you to them? But you don't dare say the words you wish to set free. It's uncomfortable silence; if not - then awkward silence.  It remains unspoken but we both know that that something no longer exists....they're moved on somewhat. That connection you share(d), the one you thought and wished would withstand everything, including time. You realise they've changed and so have you, but in a different way and you don't know their true character anymore. To make any relationship (including friendships) work, there has to be effort from both parties. The lack of effort and communication from just one party easily fuels the distance that exists between them and yourself, and with every opportunity you don't take to make it work, it continues to grow until the relationship just falls apart and all your ties are severed.  It doesn't help if you are naturally emotionally distant and stable, and remain so, never revealing how you truly feel.
I'm the last to know anything these days. It's a very sad feeling knowing that :(

#247-still here...

Just thought I'd make my existence known (: still blogging about seemingly....nothing really

Good luck to those who have their exams coming up (myself included- although bad luck always follows me but thats besides the point)

Can't wait for -April 11(google the date if you're curious) and the holidays

Now onto sad news:
Nole lost to John isner, I'm always depressed when he loses but all credit to his opponent for playing well. Aus open 2013 here I come, I just have to survive trials and hsc that's all no biggy (YEAH RIGHT WHO AM I KIDDING HERE)

Til next time

#246 - Seemingly "speaking in circles"

Welcome back, bitter ^^
Hello hello.
I am feeling much better now after a good talk with ____ :3 THANK YOU! Your advice rocks. Such a fascinating and...unique way of describing me: "like a sine curve" =D I am just like a rollercoaster when it comes to my emotional state (completely emotionally unstable *nods*) 
Lately, I've also been ranting about how "time has passed me by". That phrase - it's so darn familiar, like it's from a book/movie I really cherished and adored - but it's unfortunately lost in the murky depths of my forgetful brain :( ARGH. Such an opportunity will never arise again; it has been lost in goodness-knows-where. Anyway, my suspicions were proved right (finally!), and I'm so glad I said what I said many days ago. I don't regret it.
And wow, I was quite a sight to behold... now I think about it. :O Oh well, who cares. 

 Completely heels over head over this song  ^___^




And just because I can.

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#245- catching up

Looks like I've been neglecting blogger again, sorry for the wait sweet and the rest of my blogging community. I'm not trying to push the blame onto someone else but for some reason im capped again. Strange because there's still 2 weeks til the end of the month and I didnt even download that much.

Got exam timetable today. I need to start being studious, I guess I need to revisit my stash of past papers. Oh, I'm teaching at tutorial service tmr, I taught some year 10s last week so if no one wants my service then I'll prolly end up helping my fellow classmates so bombard me with math questions and don't feel shy cos it's good revision for me.

I promise to make a massive post but til then I shall end on a question. Should exile end? (if you didnt get that then don't worry)

Oh forgot to mention it but I'm craving cake again (massive fatty I know), 85 degrees here I come

#244 - The sleeping dead

The internet fiasco continues, hovering between fast and slow. DAMN YOU HOW MANY TECH PEOPLE DO I HAVE TO CALL :(
And I swear this year I just don't have enough energy anymore. Last year, I could easily pull all nighters and not feel like a zombie, but now, even if I sleep a little later, I'm just.... listless. Plus I have afternoon naps a lot more, which range from 2-4.5 hours and no one wakes me up :( I'm more dependent on coffee too; in the past 24 hours I drank 3 cups - oops. But yessss coffee still works for me in making me feel less tired and giving me that "morning boost". It helped me stay awake at 11.30 pm xD

And right, about cramming. I must never ever do it again. Ever, since sleep is something I have taken for granted in the past and these days, it's something I really treasure now. And I broke out so bad this time - I shall blame it on the lack of sleep and erratic patterns of sleep. It sucks because I can only get into the mood of hardcore studying just before exams >_> Also, I don't know if I'm supposed to be relieved that they postponed it until tomorrow - there's more stress but then there's a little more time to prepare? However, this time I really feel like I'm going to disappoint, what about if the scenario is something I haven't researched on =|  Well, if I screw it, I screwed it. Tonight, I shall get enough sleep =D

And ...... I'm apparently "hard to read" in situations like today? I was relatively normal  and engrossed in what I was saying! But yeah, they probably still have a bad impression of me as a creepy creepy fan girl (I"m not one at all D: well not too creepy...) I don't know. Mysterious people just capture my interest. I like mysterious people.

#243- Saturday Luncheon

decided to join better and butter for our inaugural saturday luncheon, im hoping to turn this into a monthly event (:

just have to say that im lovin the great bagel's curly fries, thank you butter for spreading the word. to the right is a photo that she took with better trying to avoid the camera (dw she's just shy)

anyhow, looking forward to tomorrow for many reasons except im dreading the english assessment this friday. wish me luck! and on another note: Sweet we have to meet up this holiday, its been so long since we last caught up.

#242 - Cynical

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise
 ....
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it - Rudyard Kipling


I'm not a fan of poetry and I don't appreciate it - it's all Greek to me. But yesterday I stumbled upon this and I don't know why I find it so so so beautiful. Perhaps because it's so inspiring to stand our ground? I love it.  

Okay, massive wall of text that  is "tl;dr" :)

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