#328 - De(spite)

Anyone else happy that we'll never have to study English again?!!!!!! =D 
I reckon it was okay, though P1 essay question was a tad "shocking" but doable, P2 was in general, answerable - but mod B - what what what?! Anyway, I'm over it, TWO down!!!

Remember this? Well this will be relevant below:


 I would usually encrypt a post like this, but I'm thoroughly annoyed / hurt / irritated by something that happened.
You see in the above video, people realised that if someone is overweight, they have NO right to say it to the person. Obviously 1) they know, 2) they feel hurt, 3) it exerts a negative influence on society, 4) it shows what a pathetic excuse of a human being you are, 5) you're not flawless yourself, so what gives you the right to talk shit to someone? Now I would just like to say something too, which is relevant to the video. Today I got laughed at for having "small eyes". And do you what sucked the most? The people who laughed were the ones I considered "friends". And before I had previously mentioned that I classified friends into 3 levels. Sadly, the people who laughed encompassed all 3 levels. And the thing was, I just couldn't bear it, but how could I object, and retort, saying "Fuck you!" or the like, or just feel really teary before a major exam? Maybe I'm too sensitive, but this is a part of who I am.
Now, when people tease me about the size of my eyes, though I may be silent or laugh it off, IT FUCKING HURTS and I will forever / temporarily hold a grudge against you depending on who you are. There we go. I honestly don't consider my eyes to be that small, but maybe in people's eyes they are. Fine, to the general consensus my eyes are small. BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE DOUBLE LIDS <- if you're Asian, I suppose you would know, since the stupid Asian culture perceives this to be beautiful and it is like a make-or-break central factor in deciding if you're pretty or not (especially if you're a girl, clearly I'm not). And on topic, I hate the double standards. It's fine for guys to have monolids (exemplified in the many guys with single lids who are successful singers / actors / celebrities) but it's not for girls (who get plastic surgery to have "bigger eyes" and conform to that stupid bigoted view that big eyes = beauty, small = ugly. ). Fucking double standards that can obviously be seen in all the Asian girls who are actresses / singers - who do you know have monolids? Like NEXT TO NO ONE. Hence that's why I admire super models like Liu Wen, Shu Pei and Xiao Wen Ju (who I might add, has very unique and beautiful eyes. BUT DOES ANYONE DISS HER FOR HAVING SMALL EYES? NO. IN FACT THE PEOPLE IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY FUCKING LOVE IT.) who have carved out a successful career, despite their monolids. And, well, my mum is double and my dad's mono, and guess what? I got my dad's monolids. And you know, I am damn proud of them. I wouldn't change them for the world (sadly in the past I had considered otherwise). It just happens that monolids lack that crease, and thus their eyes are smaller than the eyes of people who have double lids. So yeah, the incident happened when I squinted to show my annoyance after I was very rudely told to shut up my reciting - when in fact I hadn't even been that loud, and someone (very disappointed who this was) commented about the small size of my eyes. And then, everyone were all in a fit in giggles for quite a long while. How perfectly fucking lovely - I felt time had slowed down and felt like I had lost all sense of belonging and felt so lonely despite the fact I was surrounded by people everywhere. Everyone thought my small eyes were so funny. Everyone except me. I did not find my small eyes a funny issue. Let's relate it to the newsreader story: yes, she's overweight. Do you tell her she's overweight? NO YOU DO NOT. Does she know? YES. Ridicule her physical appearance, and you are a nasty piece of work. I think this applies to me here: do you tell me I have small eyes? NO YOU DON'T. Do you think I don't know? WELL OBVIOUSLY I FUCKING KNOW. Say it to me, and I consider you a nasty piece of work, because that's what you are. And god, I can actually feel tears welling up as I type this. These "small eyes" are an inherent part of me and I will never get surgery to appease society, and I will not tolerate at being laughed at for having "small eyes". I accept them, but what I will NOT accept if when people are spiteful about physical appearances. I know some people say things, and not realise it hurts. Well, you should always think before you say, asking yourself, "How will this affect the person I'm saying it to?"And the saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is full of bullshit; unless you absolutely don't give a flying fuck about what people think of you at all, WORDS DO HURT. And what right do people have to diss the physical flaws of others? I'm sure no one's fucking flawless either. so shut your trap.
But honestly, I wish there was just some way where I could stick up for myself and say "what you just said was really hurtful", and break off ties. But yet I'm too chicken to say so, because I'm a coward and still have to see these people for a little longer. Since I'm sensitive myself, I always try my best to act like a decent human being and not ridicule / jeer / sneer / make fun of others and their physical appearances (flaws, you could say).
Anyway summing up my point: rather than the people you aren't close to / barely talk to, it's the people you consider yourself closest to, that hurt you the most. This is most definitely true in many cases. And clearly, I've chosen the wrong people to be my friends, on any of the three levels. And if you laugh at me / have a go at me for having small eyes (or make fun of anything related to my physical appearance), I will probably hold a grudge (perhaps, even detest you) for the rest of my life. Though I might say nothing about hurtful incidents, I don't forget or forgive easily either; in fact I still remember some very hurtful words that have been said to me many years ago about my intellectual capacity.  To be frank: it's fucking rude. Behave like a decent human being. Seeing your academic prowess, show a little consideration before you open your mouth to say relatively spiteful things, even if you didn't intend to hurt someone. And treat others the way you want to be treated. And thumbs up to Jennifer Livingston for standing up for herself. I only wish I was brave enough to do the same and not tolerate the shit people say to me. Oh and the pun about my "bad eye sight", am I sure that it's not just my "eye size"? HAHAHAHAHAHA that's the most fucking funniest pun I've ever heard!  NOT. Honestly cannot wait until I go to uni, and find like-minded people  like me / "true friends" with EMPATHY.
Rant over.