#166 - every mile will be worth my while.

pretty crappy day in all.... i'm actually a fuzzy and stressed out thing under this "carefree" exterior. when in doubt /experiencing woes and sadness, listen to disney soundtracks --> they're a great mood lifter =D

after a very sad incident involving my most detested nemesis in the chem final - i ate super cheap vietnamese beef noodle soup - soo yummy!! that cheered me up.





just felt like featuring this awesome person about to eat: my dad, the person i get all my bad traits from, the person who makes me cry, the fighter for justice, the person who always encourages me. forever awesome and world's best dad <3

2 days. yes, i know, i'm highly hypocritical - but have no fear, i won't go to the good side.

#165- Baby Steps

why is it that every time i take a step forward i end up being two steps behind?
some processes are long and some are sad so what do you do when you cannot escape the inevitable.... you take things one step at a time. it may be difficult and there will be tears involved but remember tears are words that the heart is incapable of conveying, so listen hard.

also, thank you C and A for coming today, it was really nice to meet you and to have someone to talk to.

#164 - walk straight on.

i had a bio excursion today in st james. highlights: i patted a very fluffy possum, spiky echidna, python and and baby crocodile and saw bats flying. i also went to kinokuniya and saw an english translation of 1 litre of tears there?!! brings back sad memories... =( and n2s: do not eat at maccas until a year has passed - blatantly false advertising and ridiculously expensive prices. $15.95 for a one person meal, and they advertise that as a 2 person deal = freaking joke.

onto other things, i admit i fail at historiography. i rewrote my thesis over 10 times and literally deleted thousands of words and many footnotes and i can't afford to waste anymore time on it :( aaarghhh, hip, you are such an annoying pain in the ass, because of you i am feeling really stressed/doubtful/annoyed/sad and i'm really having a hard time about extension. to pick or not to pick :(((( handing another draft to stormy tomorrow, it's around 900 words. if i screw this one up, i am just going to bs my head off - crappy ranking and mark, here i come.

something that further depresses me is chem tutoring... i have zero confidence in the final next week. the people are so beast. i'm 100% certain that they're going to get state ranks. how am i supposed to compete with great people =[ another sad thing is that i'm a loner there when i wait outside ... i know it's not really important, but i do feel awkward and stupid when it's just me by myself and there's around 15 people in their own groups, a little bit away from me. thanks to tess and ghinelli for being my only friends though, you've helped me pass the bad times in class =] "you only have to beat 7 or 8 people to stay in the top class..." can i, when i ranked so crappy and literally failed an exam ? well, i seriously doubt i can, but i'll try. something i find quite the lols is that when i literally failed, i achieved something: a new record - a top class student literally failing. i really don't deserve to be there. /end cynical rant

anyway, things to look forward to:
- 13/08: robbo's birthday outing!
- 20/08: RICE. why am i going, i am such a hypocrite (many have told me i am, so i admit that i am very hypocritical). but my ticket has already been paid for (without my permission ==), my sis is going and i feel worried for her catching the train at ~11PM by herself and i'm sort of interested in what it's going to be like. and i just found out pepper spray is illegal even for self-defense, dammit.

#163- Tears

they say that tears are the words that the heart can't express - does that mean i fail at communication?

i wish i had someone to talk to, someone that won't judge me. i wish things were different but of course i have no control over that. i want to be happier, but that doesnt seem possible. i want to laugh and smile like how i used to- except now i feel so contained and trapped. im only a shell, a carefully crafted facade and i hate that. my purpose? that's dismal

sorry about the random post, i just had some things that i needed to say

#162 - raindrop prelude

so it started raining and everything looked really nice from the outside, i just couldn't resist snapping some pics... hehe
anyways, just wanted to say, i have accomplished 2 august goals!! i'm sort of failing the "do more housework" part though... i'm so lazy i haven't even made my bed yet and it's 5 PM. went to my cousin's new house in carlo on friday, and it was so big and prettiful *jealous* i think i'm staying over there for 1 week in the xmas hols. anyways, i have currently typed only 752 words for the HIP, i'm hoping that it's not descriptive when i show it to stormy tomorrow.... otherwise i wasted my whole day yesterday. gahhhhhh, i don't understand my own thesis!!! the only fun thing about it is the footnoting
also, on friday - we did a dilution prac on potassium permanganate. the pipette thingy was so difficult to use too. but i just have to show off the prettiness of the permanganate - the far right one is the original one, and look at the dilutions it's undergone, the colours are soooooo pretty! probably the best prac i've done so far =D



masterchef final tonight =O i'm rooting for no one.

#161- Coincidences

wow it has nearly been a week since i last posted ....(runs to the corner) and no this blog isn't dead but rather i've been dead )x
anyhow back unto the title of this blog....hmmmmmmmmm

---
i'm not a fan of coincidences especially when they involve batter and a certain someone (you know who you are). it's almost always planned except for those rare occasions. so in order for you all to understand this 'coincidence', you must understand that batter constantly reminds me that i have this look-alike in the grade below (i think not! but that's another story altogether). so yesterday i was walking from the canteen with better, batter and that someone and well i saw my look-alike (i dont know what else to call her >< ). she had the exact same hair style as me o.O but no one else noticed......
end of storytime

rice is soon but it's only rally this time so i cant go. my itunes is weird- i added the song from the rice promo vid and it says that the duration is 25 minutes long which isnt possible and windows media player clearly says that its only 4 minutes long. (sigh- it took me forever to explain something just like my english essay, not good )

note: this is really rushed so if you read this then i have not edited it

#160 - =]

friday: wrote realistic goals for the first time in my life. i'm determined to get at least 85% of them done.

saturday: the earliest i have ever gotten up on a saturday in a loooooong time, maybe in 3 years? woke up at 9.30! walked from st james to central, then back to st james, then central (because i was such a lost cause) for hsc books (and glorious window shopping of course). got a 25% discount for textbooks because dymocks was closing down. good for me, bad for them =D ah such a lovely day, i like city life.

sunday: the rocks aroma festival 2011.... i wanted to go to.

photo

but i woke up at 2 pm to make up for my beloved lost sleep on saturday T^T if next year i get my act together and reduce procrastinating time a lot, even if it's the week before trials, I'M GOING. the perfect de-stressing activity. i.will.go. the food looks delish. and the aroma of coffee from everywhere. damn. i missed on a lot. just to memorise the legal essay - which took only 1 1/2 hour to memorise and 20+ hours to write. and merlin season finale - sooo good. colin morgan and bradley james make me a very happy person - today i was browsing through girrablogs and i saw a girl write on her HIP entry, "MERLIN- For all the nights I wasted watching MERLIN instead of researching for the HIP… Thank you!!! I’d do it all again!!Bradley James- Your beautiful, manly, upper anatomy amazes me… Thank you for all the shirtless scenes!! You’re an angel sculpted by God himself…. If I actually believed in God…" ahhh so true, the coincidence, i couldn't agree more because i am procrastinating the HIP...100 words done, 1900 left. and i have to hand it in 2 weeks. and it's a 3 month project. noooooooooooooo i hate argumentative essays >( also had a huge spring cleaning in my room. looks beautiful after 2 very tiring hours =]

monday: 45 minutes to write. i can write 1050-1100 words in 35 minutes, albeit a tad ugly and difficult to read, and accompanied by very cramped arms. it IS possible. but yeah i know, quality > quantity. meh. i had great info... hopefully it's argumentative. i find it really difficult to tell the difference between describing and arguing because my reasons for my argument are essentially descriptions? i dunno, it's just the way i work... and contact. funny how just a little bit of it makes you feel ... quite happy? =D and today i saw a woman get stuck in the gap between the station and the train at granville - so scary. a scream of pure fear. and then luckily there were 2 very fast thinking guys and they grabbed her up. everyone was like... O.o wow.