#527- Prepare thy self

Sometimes I don't even know what I do with my time but somehow a day just seems to go by with little to no work done. Sigh. Week 7 is going to be terrible, 3 assessment task including one group assignment. I cannot wait to feast during break but then again, I've been eating too much already so I really should control myself. Sigh time to be off to see how much work I get done today and by today that includes up until 2am tomorrow.

#526 - The road ahead

Tonight I just feel emotionally drained, tired and sad.

Just because we appear this certain way to society, the world, the people around us, the people we know - it doesn't necessarily mean that this is how we really are, deep down inside us. We're not one-dimensional. We are not what we appear to be. I'm sick of this ongoing battle, being caught up in the middle, leaning towards one side but angering the other as a result. It doesn't come up often but it happens. It's inevitable.

Things are just so complicated and terrible and there's just a godawful load of misunderstandings and secrets. Are we or are we not? Shouldn't we be able to tell each other of these things? And refusals to try and make things better. Just stubbornness, bitterness and pent-up anger. And I just had to go and open my big mouth to exacerbate the situation. Since I felt infuriated on X's behalf that there was an injustice being done to X and X just can't see it because X has a heart of gold. X really does. And because of X's unwavering loyalty, love and trust to someone who really doesn't deserve it. I feel frustrated at my inability to change Y's view and make things better.

After hearing a truly shocking thing from someone I love so so much, I feel so scared for the future. I had always envisioned it to be something wonderful, something to work towards and look forwards to because as one of my most favourite and inspirational people in the world has told me many times, "the future is yours". It really is. It is what you make of it, what you do now in the present. It was the first time that I realised that that could happen and probably would. But I don't want to imagine the future like this. I don't want things to change. And then I realised, I need to get my shit together. I have completely lost sight of what was really important to me. My mind and heart have been in the wrong place all this time. I need to work so much harder and put in more effort. No matter what I do. In all aspects of life. Do my best. I may be legally classified recognised as a grown up and as an an adult. However the truth is that I haven't grown up at all. I'm still so immature and there are so many things I have yet to learn and do. But I'm glad that I realised this. This was a wake up call for me.

My view of what I should be: try to be happy-go-lucky because if shit happens, well, shit happens and life goes on. Shit did happen (it just had to, didn't it) but I'd like to think I'm handling this pretty well. And I guess that was a total contradiction from what I just wrote but sometimes I fall into the abyss of gloominess upon realising the harsh reality and that it's not always going to be rainbows and butterflies. But chin up because I can always hope.


Something that just cheers you up and restores your faith in humanity.

#525- Long road uphill

Back at uni, someone give me a valid excuse out of here. I miss my sleep, I miss spending days haphazardly without a care in the world. But sadly reality comes to knock on your door, straighten up it's time to hit the books again and join the rat race that just about everyone will succumb to. Get back into that job hunting pursuit, internship application writing and let's not forget neglecting readings and all-nighter essays/assignments/reports. Mid-semester break oh how I wish you were longer and why did you have to be so far away this semester, I earnestly look forward to your grace again.

From a disgruntled university student